Donald Trump

"Step 1: steal underpants. Step 2: ???  Step 3: Profit" -- Donald Trump

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Barry Bonds

"There's no crying in baseball!" -- Barry Bonds

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Martha Washington

"I can't believe I just gave my panties to a geek." -- Martha Washington

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Margaret Thatcher

"Hallo. Vould you like to have a roll in ze hay?" -- Margaret Thatcher

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Alexander Skarsgård

"SQUIRREL!" -- Alexander Skarsgård

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Steven Hawking

"I never explain anything." -- Steven Hawking

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Socrates

"Here's looking at you, kid." -- Socrates

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The Man in the Yellow Hat

"Get your hands off me, you damn dirty ape!" -- The Man in the Yellow Hat

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Pinocchio

"For truth is always strange; stranger than fiction." -- Pinocchio

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Oliver Hardy

"Fat guy in a little coat" -- Oliver Hardy

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Walt Disney

"Do, or do not. There is no 'try'." -- Walt Disney

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Mel Gibson

"A place for everything and everything in its place" -- Mel Gibson

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Bill Cosby

"There's only two things I hate in this world. People who are intolerant of other people's cultures and the Dutch" -- Bill Cosby

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Yoda

"Fat, drunk, and stupid is no way to go through life, son." -- Yoda

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Hillary Clinton

"To crush your enemies, see them driven before you, and to hear the lamentation of their women." -- Hillary Clinton

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Hulk Hogan

"Nobody puts Baby in a corner." -- Hulk Hogan

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Casey Anthony

"I'll get you, my pretty, and your little dog, too!" -- Casey Anthony

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Michael Jackson

"Ever since I can remember I always wanted to be a gangster." -- Michael Jackson

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Bill Clinton

"Beautiful, naked, big-titted women just don't fall out of the sky, you know." -- Bill Clinton  

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Ben Franklin

"1.21 GIGAWATTS!!! What was I thinking?" -- Ben Franklin

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Pope Benedict

"You and me baby ain’t nothing but mammals, so let’s do it like they do it on Discovery Channel" -- Pope Benedict

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Fidel Castro

"Won't you be my neighbor?" -- Fidel Castro

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Charleton Heston

"You'll shoot your eye out!" -- Charleton Heston

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Jack Dawson

"You're gonna need a bigger boat." -- Jack Dawson

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Adolf Hitler

"Those who invoke Godwin's Law automatically lose the argument." -- Adolf Hitler

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Monica Lewinsky

"Where's the beef?" -- Monica Lewinsky
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Martin Luther King, Jr.

"What's a Nubian?" -- Martin Luther King, Jr.
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Ron Jeremy

"My anaconda don’t want none unless you’ve got buns, hon." -- Ron Jeremy
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Dalai Lama

"Make the lie big, make it simple, keep saying it, and eventually they will believe it." -- Dalai Lama
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Nero

"JUST DO IT." -- Nero
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Shamu

"Oh, uh, it's the pleats... the pleats in the pants. It's an optical illusion." -- Shamu
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Edward Snowden

"I only hope that we don’t lose sight of one thing - that it was all started by a mouse." -- Edward Snowden
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Santa Clause

"Hide your kids, hide your wife" -- Santa Clause
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Mahatma Ghandi

"Give in to your anger. With each passing moment you make yourself more my servant." -- Mahatma Ghandi
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Dick Van Dyke

"Frankly, my dear, I don't give a damn" -- Dick Van Dyke
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Lord Voldemort

"Reports of my death have been greatly exaggerated." -- Lord Voldemort 

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Steve Jobs

"I'm the king of the world!" -- Steve Jobs
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Sigmund Freud

"I saw a gay porno once. I didn't know until halfway in. The girls never came. The girls never came!" -- Sigmund Freud
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J. Edgar Hoover

"Badges? We ain't got no badges. We don't need no badges. I don't have to show you any stinking badges" -- J. Edgar Hoover 

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Adolf Hitler

"A wise man never plays leapfrog with a unicorn." -- Adolf Hitler
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Barack Obama

"I know you are, but what am I?" -- Barack Obama
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Jack the Ripper

"I don’t know if it’s art, but I know I like it" -- Jack the Ripper
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Jesus

"Be excellent to each other. And... PARTY ON, DUDES!" -- Jesus
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Elmo

"If things go well I might be showing her my O-face" -- Elmo
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Mother Teresa

"Ain't nobody got time for dat!" -- Mother Teresa